I was a blogger once...

Twelve years ago, when I was newly married, newly unemployed, and newly Texan, I set out to be a blogger. I had big dreams. I would write about spirituality and simplicity. We were Catholic and broke so it seemed like a good fit. When the kids came along, I morphed into a wannabe Mommy blogger. Then my kids got older--I increasingly felt that telling their stories was an invasion of privacy. Then my husband got a raise--I increasingly felt like I was losing my simplicity credibility. Then we moved to Iowa and I realized in the light of the midwestern sun, what I took for frugal simplicity might just have been how most people outside of Texas live. I stopped blogging.

My blog button on my toolbar beckoned me from time to time, but I never really jumped back in. Once the kiddos started school, I tried dusting off my old marketing skills to help promote their small Catholic school. Along the way, I made an interesting discovery. There’s always a need for stories, for writers. Each teacher had an interesting history. Every work of art produced by my kid begged to have the mini-biography of the inspiring artist to be told. So I founded and started submitting things to the school’s blog.

Then I got sucked into serving on the Catholic School Board. After nearly a decade out of the paid workforce it was a heady rush to be taken seriously again by fellow adults making very. Important. Decisions. I loved being an advocate for Catholic education. I was good at it. If I’m honest, I also loved having an influence beyond my family circle in a way that was visible and appreciated. I stopped telling stories. I thought that was so easy that anyone could do it. The blog sputtered out.

This past May, after much discernment, I stepped off of the Catholic School Board for both personal and spiritual reasons. Almost immediately, I was asked to give a presentation to the parish staff about improving communication. That turned into an invitation to lead the initiative to redesign and rethink the role of the parish bulletin in our parish. The office staff was capable of the graphic redesign. The parish staff leadership was willing to try a new tactic and provide information. Guess what gaping hole in the project soon became apparent? Dedicated storytellers--writers who knew how to get the job done.

So here I am back where I started 12 years ago. I’m at a crossroads personally and professionally. The call of the keyboard beckons me. It calls me to write about spirituality and simplicity. It calls me to document the stories of fellow disciples. It calls. It calls.

My So-Called Spirt-Filled, Simple Life

It's been months since I've blogged. It's been years since I've blogged regularly. I was about take this blog down entirely (who reads blogs these days?) when I was struck by the tagline of Crouching Camel: a meditation of a spirit-filled, simple life. Things have changed immensely for our family in the past two years. My husband got a better job that resulted in a move to Iowa. We were able to pay off all our debts, including our home and car. Because the educational choices here are so much better than what we had in Texas, we decided to send our sons to the awesome local Catholic school for elementary and then to public school beyond that. Our new house has about 500 more square feet than our old starter home. We have cable for goodness' sake!

There was a little simplifying: we are now a one-car family. I try to bike and walk more often. This year I vowed to only sew my own clothes when possible (have spent about $300 so far this year). But gone are the days of the avid price-booking and coupon clipping. We shop locally and spend money getting veggies from a CSA. In short, while we still live much less large than your average American family, our life is much less modest and simple than it used to be.

The spirit-filled part has taken a hit too. While we pray as a family at meals, attend Mass each Sunday, and pray at night with the boys, I've been remiss in keeping up my own personal prayer life. It usually consists of me listening to a bible study podcast while wiping down counters in the morning.

Not-surprisingly, with the loss of my mission as a homeschooling mother, the slackening of my spiritual life, and the mindless increases in spending, I find myself in a state of constant searching in my life. I've pondered going back to graduate school. I've thought about getting a job in marketing. I've wondered how it all slipped away from me so quickly. I feel like I'm flailing.

So, once again I think it is time to reassess. I am at the crossroads and I need to make a decision. Will I double down on simplicity and recommit to a less consumerist lifestyle that requires so much of my time and energy? Will I pursue a higher status along with a PhD although it has marginal financial returns? Will I try to make freelancing work again for me or is the prospect of that much "alone" time too daunting? I honestly don't know.

What I do know is that I need to start by taking all of this into prayer. I crave God's guiding hand in all of this. I know that the longing for peace and comfort that I feel right now can only be satisfied with Him. Consumer conveniences and social status are just poor substitutes.

So, dear imaginary readers, I invite you to take this journey with me. Join me on my search, once again, on how to build a spirit-filled, simple life.

The Price of Cheap Clothing

I still haven't bought a piece of clothing this year but with swimsuit season just around the corner, I sure am tempted. I've been working on a home decor sewing project but need to make room in my sewing room for a few pjs and practice on swimwear. Just when I felt like I was losing my resolve, I came across this piece: Are Kids Making Your Clothes? Okay, that will get me through temptation for another month, I think

Thinking About 2013

Have you started thinking about your New Year's resolutions? I have. A lot. Between much-needed weight loss and our recent move to a colder climate, I had to do some significant wardrobe shopping this past fall. I took it as the perfect opportunity to reevaluate my style. After five years of fulltime Mom-on-the-go status, I'm sorry to say that my clothes were just a bit tired, ill fitting and flat out worn out. So I started looking at blogs for inspiration for honing my style for the next phase in life.

Well, I fell down a rabbit hole, so to speak. I happened upon a fabulous  blog called The Vivienne Files which advocates having a smaller but more functional wardrobe based on a core of neutral colors and silhouettes with a splash of accent colors. The simplicity of such a wardrobe really appealed to me as did the polished aspirations of the final look. I also appreciated that, unlike several other fashion blogs I perused, it didn't focus on trends but on developing your own personal style.

Through that site and others, I found recommendations for two books: Overdressed: the High Cost of Cheap Fashion and Deluxe. Each book deserves at least a post of their own...which I intend to do later. But my take away from each was that:

1. The quality of ready-to-wear, even those on the higher end of the price scale, has declined significantly. Most clothes are throw-away quality these days.
2. The appetite for newer, trendier, cheaper clothes has led to significant degradation of the condition of those who make our clothes--people.
3. Knock offs are worse than "disposable clothes." They fund all sorts of atrocities and terrorism and are merely signifiers to an era of luxury that no longer exists.

So after much thought and consideration, I've decided to take on a new challenge for 2013: I am going to stop buying clothing altogether AND make my own clothing as needed. I may make a few exceptions for things that would truly be difficult for me to make: socks, shoes and tights come to mind. But I'm committed to even complex items like lingerie, swimwear, and outerwear. 

What do I hope to gain from this project? Several things. Better sewing skills for sure. I need to master the full bust adjustment (FBA) and would love to learn to draft my own patterns. But also solidarity with those craftspeople who manufacture my clothing: perhaps with a renewed acceptance to pay more for fair trade and quality projects. I want to jump off the ever rapidly spinning trend cycle that seems to produce more dissatisfaction and waste. I'd like to have pride in my own work, and the freedom to make clothes that truly fit my body. I'd like to delight in fashion without becoming a slave to it. Is that even possible I wonder? Most of all, I'm interested to see what unexpected things come out of such a project. 

Will I make it? I don't know. Will it be fun to try? Absolutely! Will it be fun to read about? You tell me!

Homesewn Luxury

A few weeks ago we finally were able to buy a new box spring and mattress for our master bedroom. This was a purchase that was planned, delayed, replanned, and so on for at least two and a half years. Whenever we had the money in the budget some unforeseen expense would come up that was more urgent. Since we are a pay-as-you-go kind of family, charging what is basically a non-emergency expense was out of the question. So I waited. Sometimes with patience, other times with resentment or self-pity. The entire mattress issue became a spiritual issue for me. I spent time in prayer about it.

Fortunately when the time came we found a great mattress that was well within our budget with a little left over. It's near-double depth compared to the old mattress meant that we would need new sheets too. So I turned my online research skills from mattresses to sheets.

My husband is what some call a "hot sleeper." Not only does he feel hot at night but he heats up the bed and sheets as well thus affecting us both. I found out that our old high thread count cotton sheets may have been making things worse as the tight weave makes for softness but less breathability.

I also discovered that 100% linen sheets are the gold standard for hot sleepers. Unfortunately, they are also extraordinarily pricey. It isn't uncommon to find them on sale for about $800 for an entire set. So with a little disappointment, I went to Target and bought the lowest thread count cotton sheets I could find. They were good, but I kept fantasizing about how much better the $800 linen sheets would be.

One morning it occured to me that I could make our own sheets. While they would need to be pieced together from 60" cloth they would still be linen. I was unable to find any online instructions on how to sew your own queen-sized sheets from fabric--I suppose you have to be a little nutty like me to even want to try. So for posterity, here are my instructions and lessons learned. I'll try to add some more how-to photos in the future.

A queen flat sheets is 92x102 inches finished. In lieu of making a fitted sheet, I decided to make two oversized flat sheets, one of which can be folded with hospital corners on the bottom. That way they would be interchangable. I also needed four pillow cases, 20x32 inches finished.

I found a great online store to order the fabric from. I must have been in a fog when I ordered the fabric because I only got 8 yards when I really needed 17. Somehow I lost sight of the fact that each sheet required two three-yard lengths. Don't make my mistake!

In any case, here's the how-to for a single sheet:

Cut two lengths of cloth at 3 yards each. One will be the center panel and the other will be split down the middle to form the two side panels. Depending on the desired final width (full, queen, king) you may want to split the second piece into three panels, a side panel from each edge (you'll want to work with the selvege, believe me) and the remainer cut out from the center piece. I chose to just keep the extra width to make it easier to use as a bottom sheet and to be able to use if we ever upgrade to a king-size bed.

Prewash, line dry, and press the fabric. Then pin the raw edge of the side panel to the selvege side of the center panel. Because you are working with such an expanse of fabric, you'll want to pin carefully. Sew a 5/8 inch seam. Press flat, then press open. Trim the raw edge of the seam down to a 1/4 inch. Fold selvege edge of the seam over it and press. Sew near the edge of the selvege. This is called a flat-felled seam. It encases the raw edge and results in a sturdy flat seam similar to those you'll find on a pair of blue jeans. Repeat the same on the other side of the center panel with the second side piece making sure the flat felled seams are on the same side of the sheet.

Double fold the bottom edge of the sheet (1/4 and then 5/8 inch) and press to form an encased hem. Stitch the edge through all three layers.

Single or double fold the sides of the sheet--since they are selvege edges you don't need to worry about fraying.

Double fold the top edge of the sheet (1/4 and then 4 inches) and press to form a thick encased hem. Stitch through all three layers. This is the area where you may choose to do a decorative stitch across the top. I preferred the simpler look. These are positively monastic and deliciously so. I would refrain from hemstitching like you see on tea towels though as that basically weakens the sheet which is intended for heavy duty use. I imagine after a year or two it would tear sort of like perforated toilet paper.

Pillowcases

Pillowcases were much easier for me. Cut a 44x36 inch square--a little less than one full yard of 60 inch cloth. Fold it over width-wise to form the pillowcase shape. Stitch along the bottom and side. I did a straight stitch first and then went back over with a overedge stitch on my machine similar to an overlock/serger stitch. Basically I wanted a no-fray finish without having to turn under the seam. Then double fold the open edge of the pillowcase (1/4 and then 4 inches), press, and stitch through all three layers close to the folded edge. Again, if you are going for a decorative stitch this should be the place for it. No hemstitching though!

Here are a few things I would do differently next time...learn from my mistakes:

• Buy the correct amount of cloth in the first place! 17 yards, not 8. Doh!
  
• Don't bother with prewashing the fabric since there is a lot of wiggle room in the final dimensions. Prewashing just created a pressing and edge trimming hassle I think.


• Pin, pin, pin and pin before stitching. Yes, it's a straight stitch but as I mentioned earlier a little bit of slippage over the course of a 3-yard length makes for a huge uneven edge. While I did pin, next time I'll do it about twice as much to avoid that problem again.
  

So far, we've been sleeping on the cotton bottom sheet with the linen top sheet until I can make a second order of linen. I find that it feels so wonderful to be in linen sheets but it does take a little getting used to if you are accustomed to silkier sheets. The best adjectives I can use to describe it are "soft and crisp." Oh, and it is much much cooler but yet still cozy. Apparently linen sheets are a study in contradiction...like the phrase homesewn luxury I suppose.

Toddler Poetry

A Morning Observation*

I see leaves,
Leaves fall down,
I see leaves fall down from the trees.

I hear birds,
Birds in the clouds,
In the white clouds in the sky.

I want more toast.


* As spoken by Xavier (age 2) at the breakfast table by the picture window.

Look Who's Two!

Hard to believe that I've been at this mothering thing for two years now today. Seems like yesterday that they lifted this beautiful little boy over the drape in the OR. His hands were splayed, his eyes were wide open, and his little mouth was shaped in a perfect "O." It was as if he was saying, "Now this is something COMPLETELY different!" From that first face-to-face moment, my life changed forever. I am so very blessed to have such a dear little one.

We celebrated with a small family birthday party after Dad got home from work and Xavier woke up from his nap. We had the birthday cake that Xavier and I made that morning (the kid loves to bake so I figured there was no hard and fast rule that birthday cakes HAD to be surprises). Then we opened presents.

Light up Spiderman shoes:

A kiddie laptop:

A garbage truck.

He also got a homemade felt pizza kit which I made for him by hand and a set of clay sculpting tools. But his absolute favorite part of today (if you haven't already guessed from the photos) were the two balloons I ran out and got him at the last minute. He held onto those balloons pretty much for the rest of the day. We did leave them at home when we took Xavier to the big park to play for an hour or so on the playground, and I finagled them out of his hands for bathtime but other than that, he wouldn't let them go. Simple pleasures.

Here's a video of him playing with the truck:

The Useful Backyard

Our backyard has been earning its keep lately. While it is considered small (50x15) it certainly has plenty of room for fun, beauty and work. We have a few flowering beds here and there for asthetics and a lovely patio and grilling pad safely away from the house.

My square foot garden raised bed is just outside my kitchen window so I can easily see what needs to be harvested or watered. This year I didn't manage to plant veggies in all of the 16 square feet. The zucchini and hooked yellow squash didn't seem to be very happy there. I think I will try to plant those seeds again in the fall in another place. I have two types of tomato plants both of which are producing fruit as fast as we can eat it. It is a relief that we don't have to worry about somenella from our tomatoes. I've had a few bell peppers this summer, but not nearly as many as last year. In an open spot I planted some cosmos seeds that came free in the mail. I had no idea how tall they would get but they have provided us with cut flowers all summer.

In one corner, partially hidden from the neighbors by a sumac tree, I have my lovely new clothesline that my husband gave me for Mother's Day. I was all excited to start saving money on our electric bills by air drying laundry as much as possible. About two weeks into the project I realized that while our dryer is powered by electricity it is heated with natural gas. I am still saving energy but not quite as much money on power bills as I had hoped. You can't beat that line-dried frangrance though.

In the far corner of the yard I keep a compost pile. I made it about two years ago with $5 worht of chicken wire. I would love to have a more attractive container like this or this, but I can't really justify the expense. I've been keeping my eyes peeled for a few pallets to create a two-bin wooden composting station that is beautiful too.

When I first started putting our backyard to work, I was a bit embarrassed to have people see it. It certainly wouldn't be the sort of yard featured in a issue of Better Homes and Gardens. I've been amazed though at how many people admire the work elements of our backyard. At least half a dozen times I've had visitors tell me that they wish they had a clothesline/vegetable garden/compost pile or whatever but they were afraid of what their neighbors or spouse would think.

It has made me realize that there is a certain beauty in a functional outdoor space. It is the outdoor equivalent of homebaked bread or simply furnished but tidy home. It indicates a lifestyle that goes against the tide of "aspirational" decor that dominates home improvement shows and magazines that I find so tempting but that always seem to make me feel a bit shabby(I'm looking at you HGTV!). Instead, it seems to reflect a well ordered home (or homestead).

My backyard is still a work in progress. I'd like to create another bed behind the clothesline for larger climbing vegetables, grow a few herbs in pots on the patio, repaint and repair our two metal patio chairs and perhaps add a table to make the space a little more inviting for relaxing and entertaining. But now I'm thinking in terms of what is useful and beautiful instead of just worrying about how things will look.

Strike One for Freedom

While Xavier and Dad were down at the university, I took advantage of the kid-free opportunity to put a few more safety latches around the house. With my first round of childproofing several months ago, I installed latches on anything that contained dangerous or heavy items. I left the other cabinets latch-free in part in an effort to apply some Montessori principles to our home. He was safe and I could count on him entertaining himself for a while pulling stuff out of the "safe cabinets." The only drawback was that I had to throw things back in each cabinet at the end of the day.

However, Xavier's new mobility plus my ever-expanding waistline has necessitated a change. I was finding pot lids in the bathroom and my hair dryer in the kitchen on a regular basis. The sheer amount of random stuff laying about was getting exhausting to look at much less pick up and put away.

I thought Xavier would protest about his newfound lack of of exploratory opportunities. He seems to be taking it in stride though and just turns his attention to other things. I think he, like his mother, actually feels more peaceful with the reduction of clutter.

The Good Life

A few things have had me thinking about the Good Life these days. First of all, my friend Angie lent me her copy of Crunchy Conservatives, a book written by a fellow alum of LSMSA, conservative journalist, and lover of many things crunchy (organic foods, less suburban sprawl, natural living, etc.) I found myself agreeing with many of the author's personal convictions and came to the conclusion that I didn't really know what a political conservative WAS anymore. I grew up in the Regan era. Conservatism IS Regan, right? No regulation. Low taxes. Trickle-down-economics. Anti-communist. What I'm beginning to realize is that what I thought was conservatism was actually mostly partisan Republican sentiment. So I've started reading up on Russell Kirk and other "fathers of modern conservatism" to get a better understanding more of the theory that informs conservative thought.

With thoughts of what makes up the Good Life swirled in my head, I heard a broadcast on Oprah and Friends XM radio about the Law of Attraction. For those of you unfamiliar with this term, it is a loose synthesis of various philosophies and religious traditions boiled down to a single principle: What happens to you is the direct result of what kind of energy you put out in the universe. On the surface that doesn't seem too controversial -- sort of a New Age karma. But in practice a lot of LoAs (as its followers call themselves) apply this principle to tangible things like building a business clientelle, making more money, having better relationships. That's where it makes me a bit uncomfortable. Its a little too much like the Gospel of Prosperity theology for my tastes. Utilitarianism and spirituality are a touchy combination.

Even a broken clock is right twice a day, and I can find some inspiration in listening to a radio show about LoA. Specifically, the host mentioned that when we talk about what we want in life, we tend to frame it negatively or in terms of what we don't want. For example we tend to say things like "I don't want to be so stressed out all the time." instead of "I want my life to be carefree and peaceful." So as an exercise the host suggested focusing on one area in your life that is important to you and try to describe what you want in positive terms. Try it, it is a little tricky at first.

So I started thinking about my position as a homemaker. What do I want our home life to be like? I came up with five things:

• Welcoming. I want guests to feel like they belong the minute they walk in the door. I want to be able to offer a cup of tea of plate of sliced fruit to unexpected visitors.
  
• Calm. Some people love boisterous, noisy fun. So do I. Just outside. I've been moving toward creating more calm by limiting television and playing soft music.
  
• Orderly. A simple, clean environment makes me feel at peace. I work hard at making sure there is a place for everything and everything is in its place. It frees up the mind to focus on enjoying life.
  
• Enriching. Thoughtful books, nutritious and delicious food, good conversation. These are the things that truely bring color into life.
  
• Haven. Most of all, I want those in our home to feel as if they can drop their worries and insecurities at the door and find a place to rest in the here and now. If everything is working right, this is our little bit of paradise here on earth.

If I can make progress toward those goals, I will indeed be living the Good Life.