It's been months since I've blogged. It's been years since I've blogged regularly. I was about take this blog down entirely (who reads blogs these days?) when I was struck by the tagline of Crouching Camel: a meditation of a spirit-filled, simple life. Things have changed immensely for our family in the past two years. My husband got a better job that resulted in a move to Iowa. We were able to pay off all our debts, including our home and car. Because the educational choices here are so much better than what we had in Texas, we decided to send our sons to the awesome local Catholic school for elementary and then to public school beyond that. Our new house has about 500 more square feet than our old starter home. We have cable for goodness' sake!
There was a little simplifying: we are now a one-car family. I try to bike and walk more often. This year I vowed to only sew my own clothes when possible (have spent about $300 so far this year). But gone are the days of the avid price-booking and coupon clipping. We shop locally and spend money getting veggies from a CSA. In short, while we still live much less large than your average American family, our life is much less modest and simple than it used to be.
The spirit-filled part has taken a hit too. While we pray as a family at meals, attend Mass each Sunday, and pray at night with the boys, I've been remiss in keeping up my own personal prayer life. It usually consists of me listening to a bible study podcast while wiping down counters in the morning.
Not-surprisingly, with the loss of my mission as a homeschooling mother, the slackening of my spiritual life, and the mindless increases in spending, I find myself in a state of constant searching in my life. I've pondered going back to graduate school. I've thought about getting a job in marketing. I've wondered how it all slipped away from me so quickly. I feel like I'm flailing.
So, once again I think it is time to reassess. I am at the crossroads and I need to make a decision. Will I double down on simplicity and recommit to a less consumerist lifestyle that requires so much of my time and energy? Will I pursue a higher status along with a PhD although it has marginal financial returns? Will I try to make freelancing work again for me or is the prospect of that much "alone" time too daunting? I honestly don't know.
What I do know is that I need to start by taking all of this into prayer. I crave God's guiding hand in all of this. I know that the longing for peace and comfort that I feel right now can only be satisfied with Him. Consumer conveniences and social status are just poor substitutes.
So, dear imaginary readers, I invite you to take this journey with me. Join me on my search, once again, on how to build a spirit-filled, simple life.
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