Simplicity Fail: Or When Planning Turns Into Covetousness

It all started with my renewed interest in taking homemaking seriously. During prayer time last week, I came to realize that I haven't been taking my job as a homemaker seriously. Nothing too terrible was happening, but dishes in the sink, dusty floors, and stacks of stuff randomly situated around the house became commonplace. One place of neglect were the windows in our family room/ kitchen open concept space. When we moved in there were green and purple walls. We got used to them. There were green laminate countertops. We got used to them. The previous owners took the curtains but left the rods. We got used to it. The cabinets were an odd sort of pickled cream while the appliances were white. I NEVER got used to them.  When our television broke and we bought a new one, our old coffee table became the new tv stand. Instead of replacing the dysfunctional overhead microwave we just put another one on the countertop.

Basically our most used room in the house was slowly sliding into ugliness. At first I looked at inexpensive ways to fix things--on the cheap. First up, build and paint an easy corner tv stand so we could reclaim our coffee table.

The prospect of a painted tv stand led me to wanting to paint our cabinets. I found a few tutorials and well, I was off to the races. That led me to pintrest, HGTV.com, and Houzz. My to-do list grew and grew:

• replace the microwave and dishwasher
• paint the cabinets white
• replace the laminate counters with wood--put together by me with my Kreg jig
• replace the non-functioning pendant lights with ones that shed more light
• repaint the dingy refrigerator
• replace the white knobs and pulls with brushed nickel ones
• sew purple and white curtains
• add a roller shade to the back door to cut the heat in summer
• build and paint a corner tv stand
• sew white canvas slipcovers for the sofa
• buy slipper or arm chairs so there is more seating around the tv
• build a few end tables
• buy a sisal or other neutral colored rug
• replace the black mats at the doors

Hours and hours later I had an an entire pintrest board devoted to all the new things I wanted to do to improve this space.

Then, I made the mistake of asking my husband his opinion. He loves the cabinets and even the awful green countertops. So I did what any grown woman would do in this situation: I pouted. I was stuck with an awful family open concept room! After a few hours of pouting I realized that I had fallen into that oh-so-attractive consumerist trap again. In my effort to beautify and make our space more useful, I had assumed that I had to buy and change stuff to make me happy. My happiness depended upon me getting to do what I wanted and (more importantly) buy what I wanted.

My online information gathering had morphed into online covetousness. So I've decided to take a break, clean my kitchen, put away the piles, and try to focus on one bit at a time. For now, keep things tidy and neat. I think I need to step away from the pintrest, and focus on the work rather than the dreaming for a while.

My So-Called Spirt-Filled, Simple Life

It's been months since I've blogged. It's been years since I've blogged regularly. I was about take this blog down entirely (who reads blogs these days?) when I was struck by the tagline of Crouching Camel: a meditation of a spirit-filled, simple life. Things have changed immensely for our family in the past two years. My husband got a better job that resulted in a move to Iowa. We were able to pay off all our debts, including our home and car. Because the educational choices here are so much better than what we had in Texas, we decided to send our sons to the awesome local Catholic school for elementary and then to public school beyond that. Our new house has about 500 more square feet than our old starter home. We have cable for goodness' sake!

There was a little simplifying: we are now a one-car family. I try to bike and walk more often. This year I vowed to only sew my own clothes when possible (have spent about $300 so far this year). But gone are the days of the avid price-booking and coupon clipping. We shop locally and spend money getting veggies from a CSA. In short, while we still live much less large than your average American family, our life is much less modest and simple than it used to be.

The spirit-filled part has taken a hit too. While we pray as a family at meals, attend Mass each Sunday, and pray at night with the boys, I've been remiss in keeping up my own personal prayer life. It usually consists of me listening to a bible study podcast while wiping down counters in the morning.

Not-surprisingly, with the loss of my mission as a homeschooling mother, the slackening of my spiritual life, and the mindless increases in spending, I find myself in a state of constant searching in my life. I've pondered going back to graduate school. I've thought about getting a job in marketing. I've wondered how it all slipped away from me so quickly. I feel like I'm flailing.

So, once again I think it is time to reassess. I am at the crossroads and I need to make a decision. Will I double down on simplicity and recommit to a less consumerist lifestyle that requires so much of my time and energy? Will I pursue a higher status along with a PhD although it has marginal financial returns? Will I try to make freelancing work again for me or is the prospect of that much "alone" time too daunting? I honestly don't know.

What I do know is that I need to start by taking all of this into prayer. I crave God's guiding hand in all of this. I know that the longing for peace and comfort that I feel right now can only be satisfied with Him. Consumer conveniences and social status are just poor substitutes.

So, dear imaginary readers, I invite you to take this journey with me. Join me on my search, once again, on how to build a spirit-filled, simple life.