A Prejudicial Confession

Yesterday the kids and I went down to the public health department to get the first round of H1N1 vaccines for the boys. Last year we got the standard flu vax at the pediatrician's office but were informed that while they recommended the H1N1 vaccine they had decided NOT to administer it in their office. Given the absolute crush of kids and paperwork nightmare of flu vax this year compared to last year, I could hardly blame them.

This town is swimming in H1N1 vaccine--for older children and adults. The only place to get an H1N1 vaccine for those 9 years old and under was the public health clinic in the WIC building. So I just didn't get it. I feared a long wait in the crowded waiting rooms full of sick poor people like the ones we saw each day at Texas Children's Hospital ER when Jack was in the hospital after his birth. I worried about our safety driving to the part of Beaumont where the clinic was, would our car be safe? Most of all I just didn't want to be among the poor. I'm not proud of these thoughts, mind you, I'm just being honest.

But last week HHS Secretary Sebelieus made the case on Morning Joe that a third round of swine flu would probably hit this spring and be more intense than the past two waves this year. So I called 311, got what information I could which was not much and made plans to head down to the clinic--sans appointment and with no guarantee that there would be vaccine there when we arrived.

Well that drive down Washington Avenue was eye opening and I was filled with conflicting emotions. It is so easy to forget how much poverty there is here in Beaumont. This wasn't squalor but the working poor, there were lots of small mom-and-pop business along the street with rusty awnings and patched roofs still left from Rita I imagine. I saw the liquor store with the "We Cash Paychecks" sign in the window knowing that it was owned by one of Beaumont's most renowned and generous philanthropists. I saw several offices for the landscaping companies that often work in our neighborhood on the West End. I've often complained that there are no good ethnic restaurants here in Beaumont--you have to go to Houston for that. Imagine my surprise at several small plate lunch restaurants and ethnic grocery stores.

When we got to the Public Health building, the parking lot was spacious and lined by gorgeous oak trees. Inside the buildings were clean and simple. There were no magazines in the waiting area but the walls were lined with nice posters. There was only one other family there when we arrived. After a simple check in and a relatively short wait, a kind nurse gave Xavier and Jack their shots and me instructions to bring them back for round two in a month. All in all the experience in the clinic was the same or BETTER than that at the pediatrician's. Shorter wait, streamlined paperwork, and plain band-aids instead of ones with characters on them.

On the drive home I had to admit to myself that my prejudice alone had kept me from getting the boys these shots sooner. I've been thinking a lot lately about the poor and poverty. That's what happens when you read a book entitled Happy Are You Poor I suppose.

I think a few years ago I probably would have said that I have most of the things I need and some of the things I want. This days I say I have everything I need and most of what I want. This trip however made me suspect that I have more than I need. I don't know what to do with that thought.

Why Haiti, Why Now?

I've been pondering an economic question posed by a dear friend of mine lately. She wondered with all the major economic troubles the US is facing right now that have the propensity to affect the lives of future generations of Americans, should we really be spending so many Federal dollars on Haiti relief right now--in a nutshell can we afford it.

I think it is important to mention that this friend ranks among one of the most compassionate loving people I know. For her this is a sincere question, not a political parlor game. And I share her concern about the structural deficit this country faces right now.

[For a great non-partisan and recent discussion about the deficit, see this NPR interview with former GAO chief David Walker about his new book Comeback America: Turning the Deficit Around and Restoring Fiscal Responsibility]

At first pass I could only speak from my heart: Haiti is suffering. Jesus said to care for the poor but also that the poor would be with us always. I know that I am called to help not to cure--for there is no human cure to all material suffering. But there is a spiritual realm that can be served on both sides with charitable works. To paraphrase Xavier's godfather, I am my most liberal when I am being a mother.

But the intellectual in me knows that this is an argument for an idividual or at most a corporation or community. It calls me to action. Despite the many voices otherwise, this is NOT a Christian country. It is influenced culturally and intellectually by Christian tradition but at its core it is a secular nation. I cannot honestly say that the national government is always called to the same level of virtue that a Christian individual is. But at the same time I'm too blinded by my own emotion to be comfortable with the ramifications of this.

In mulling over this conundrum with my husband over dinner he (ever the pragmatist) pointed out some very sound practical considerations to justify a large government expenditure on Haiti relief efforts.

1. Haiti is our close geographic neighbor. If they fall into complete chaos we will have a huge influx of folks floating over on innertubes and whatnot clogging our social services, prisons, tying up our Coast Guard, etc. It is in our interest to keep Haiti livable.
   
2. The amount we will spend in Haiti is miniscule compared to the deficit issue.
   
3. We would be publicly shamed on the world stage to ignore Haiti--China and Israel in particular have made huge and swift physical and monetary contributions to relief. This would hamper our future negotiating position with many countries on other issues particularly given our proximity and relative wealth.
   
4. Should Haiti fall in the hands of chaos it will become a safe haven a la Afghanistan for terrorists--only this one would be withing boating distance of our ports.
   
5. When we give aid to Haiti, we don't just write a check. It boosts commerce here at home. They need to buy tractors, communications equipment, food, etc. There is a financial kickback effect to our aid.
   
6. Finally, part of our greatness in the world community IS our historical committment to humanitarian efforts, for fighting for just causes. To lose that now would be pennywise and pound foolish.
   

Now, I don't claim that these arguments are irrefutable (I'm sure Rush Limbaugh would have some choice words for me) but they do seem a bit more palatable than my "because Jesus said so" to the general American public. Of course in all of this it is worth recognizing the huge amount of personal and corporate donations that have been flowing into Haiti relief as well.

In the end, I think I am back where I started. I still feel too emotionally bound up to make a purely intellectual case for federal aid. Today are the days that I'm happy to be just a mother and homemaker and not a politician.

Photo Dump

Two Birthday Parties!

Jack got two birthday parties this year--neither was on his actual birthday, poor dear. The first was a shared party with MaMere and MoMo. Jack got his first taste of cake. If you look carefully you'll see that Jack is wearing a sweatshirt from my alma mater that my mom bought about 15 years ago. With all the chaos with the moves following Katrina, she couldn't find it in time for Xavier to wear it but it fits Jack to a tee.

Jack's second party was with the neighborhood kids. It was originally planned as a park party but the cold weather kept us inside. I put away the sidewalk chalk and bubbles and pulled out the riding toys that Jack and Xavier received from Grandma and Grandpa McNicholl. Those plus blocks served as ample entertainment. My dear friend Brooke supplied the most adorable sandwiches in various boy-friendly shapes. Jack got a second helping of cake--cupcakes this time.

Small Things: St. Nicholas Day

Santa goes by St. Nicholas around here. He visits on the eve of his feast day and likes to check in on everyone's Advent preparations. He loves kids and if there are kids in the house, he may leave them a few gold coins and a small toy. The boys left a pair of their tiny shoes by the fireplace along with a colored portrait of St. Nick and a carrot for his donkey. They were thrilled to find chocolate coins and a little car in their shoes.

Advent 2009

This is the first in a set of waaaaay overdue posts!

I'm happy to say that we increased our Advent activities this year. In addition to putting out an Advent wreath, we actually used it this year.

We observed Advent after dinner and clean up but before bathtime. We started by singing O, Come Emmanuel, lighting the candles, and then did a short reading and meditation from the Advent bulliten for kids that we got from St. Jude's. After that, Xavier opened the appropriate door on this gorgeous Advent calendar that MaMere and MoMo found in Lafayette. I envy their access to Catholic bookstores there!

We ended with a short prayer and Xavier helping to put the candles out with the snuffer. While there was a bit of wiggling the first few nights, by the end of Advent all we needed to do was dim the lights and say "Advent" and boys came running to the dining room table to begin. I think at this age, the candles are the biggest draw.

I also spiffed up the house a bit for Advent including a purple drape over the fireplace and a new chasable and stole for Father Pine. For a more tactile experience, Xavier and Jack could play with this cute nativity magnet set. I opted not to put out the ceramic set this year as it was difficult enough to keep the wreath and calendar from being mangled and I had run out of high spaces.

Look Who's Walking Too

I've got TWO toddlers now! Congrats to my happy little boy--even Daddy taking away a piece of chewed paper doesn't take away your giggles.

Homesewn Luxury

A few weeks ago we finally were able to buy a new box spring and mattress for our master bedroom. This was a purchase that was planned, delayed, replanned, and so on for at least two and a half years. Whenever we had the money in the budget some unforeseen expense would come up that was more urgent. Since we are a pay-as-you-go kind of family, charging what is basically a non-emergency expense was out of the question. So I waited. Sometimes with patience, other times with resentment or self-pity. The entire mattress issue became a spiritual issue for me. I spent time in prayer about it.

Fortunately when the time came we found a great mattress that was well within our budget with a little left over. It's near-double depth compared to the old mattress meant that we would need new sheets too. So I turned my online research skills from mattresses to sheets.

My husband is what some call a "hot sleeper." Not only does he feel hot at night but he heats up the bed and sheets as well thus affecting us both. I found out that our old high thread count cotton sheets may have been making things worse as the tight weave makes for softness but less breathability.

I also discovered that 100% linen sheets are the gold standard for hot sleepers. Unfortunately, they are also extraordinarily pricey. It isn't uncommon to find them on sale for about $800 for an entire set. So with a little disappointment, I went to Target and bought the lowest thread count cotton sheets I could find. They were good, but I kept fantasizing about how much better the $800 linen sheets would be.

One morning it occured to me that I could make our own sheets. While they would need to be pieced together from 60" cloth they would still be linen. I was unable to find any online instructions on how to sew your own queen-sized sheets from fabric--I suppose you have to be a little nutty like me to even want to try. So for posterity, here are my instructions and lessons learned. I'll try to add some more how-to photos in the future.

A queen flat sheets is 92x102 inches finished. In lieu of making a fitted sheet, I decided to make two oversized flat sheets, one of which can be folded with hospital corners on the bottom. That way they would be interchangable. I also needed four pillow cases, 20x32 inches finished.

I found a great online store to order the fabric from. I must have been in a fog when I ordered the fabric because I only got 8 yards when I really needed 17. Somehow I lost sight of the fact that each sheet required two three-yard lengths. Don't make my mistake!

In any case, here's the how-to for a single sheet:

Cut two lengths of cloth at 3 yards each. One will be the center panel and the other will be split down the middle to form the two side panels. Depending on the desired final width (full, queen, king) you may want to split the second piece into three panels, a side panel from each edge (you'll want to work with the selvege, believe me) and the remainer cut out from the center piece. I chose to just keep the extra width to make it easier to use as a bottom sheet and to be able to use if we ever upgrade to a king-size bed.

Prewash, line dry, and press the fabric. Then pin the raw edge of the side panel to the selvege side of the center panel. Because you are working with such an expanse of fabric, you'll want to pin carefully. Sew a 5/8 inch seam. Press flat, then press open. Trim the raw edge of the seam down to a 1/4 inch. Fold selvege edge of the seam over it and press. Sew near the edge of the selvege. This is called a flat-felled seam. It encases the raw edge and results in a sturdy flat seam similar to those you'll find on a pair of blue jeans. Repeat the same on the other side of the center panel with the second side piece making sure the flat felled seams are on the same side of the sheet.

Double fold the bottom edge of the sheet (1/4 and then 5/8 inch) and press to form an encased hem. Stitch the edge through all three layers.

Single or double fold the sides of the sheet--since they are selvege edges you don't need to worry about fraying.

Double fold the top edge of the sheet (1/4 and then 4 inches) and press to form a thick encased hem. Stitch through all three layers. This is the area where you may choose to do a decorative stitch across the top. I preferred the simpler look. These are positively monastic and deliciously so. I would refrain from hemstitching like you see on tea towels though as that basically weakens the sheet which is intended for heavy duty use. I imagine after a year or two it would tear sort of like perforated toilet paper.

Pillowcases

Pillowcases were much easier for me. Cut a 44x36 inch square--a little less than one full yard of 60 inch cloth. Fold it over width-wise to form the pillowcase shape. Stitch along the bottom and side. I did a straight stitch first and then went back over with a overedge stitch on my machine similar to an overlock/serger stitch. Basically I wanted a no-fray finish without having to turn under the seam. Then double fold the open edge of the pillowcase (1/4 and then 4 inches), press, and stitch through all three layers close to the folded edge. Again, if you are going for a decorative stitch this should be the place for it. No hemstitching though!

Here are a few things I would do differently next time...learn from my mistakes:

• Buy the correct amount of cloth in the first place! 17 yards, not 8. Doh!
  
• Don't bother with prewashing the fabric since there is a lot of wiggle room in the final dimensions. Prewashing just created a pressing and edge trimming hassle I think.


• Pin, pin, pin and pin before stitching. Yes, it's a straight stitch but as I mentioned earlier a little bit of slippage over the course of a 3-yard length makes for a huge uneven edge. While I did pin, next time I'll do it about twice as much to avoid that problem again.
  

So far, we've been sleeping on the cotton bottom sheet with the linen top sheet until I can make a second order of linen. I find that it feels so wonderful to be in linen sheets but it does take a little getting used to if you are accustomed to silkier sheets. The best adjectives I can use to describe it are "soft and crisp." Oh, and it is much much cooler but yet still cozy. Apparently linen sheets are a study in contradiction...like the phrase homesewn luxury I suppose.

Lake Radcliff

Last month we took a day trip to the Lake Radcliff Recreation Area in the Davy Crockett National Forest. Tim and I packed up hiking clothes, snacks and the backpack in the truck before going to Mass on Sunday so we could make the 1.5-2 hour trip right after leaving church. The autumn colors were just beginning to show--as much as they show at all in southeast Texas that is.

Lake Radcliff is a wonderful outdoor resource. The entry and camping prices are very reasonable. During the summertime you can swim in the man-made lake. There are separate camper and tent camping areas so we like that it is relatively quiet unlike, say, Village Creek. The tent sites have easy access to water and flush toilets too. By the lake they have boat rentals, a snack bar, and a changing area. The best part of this area in my opinion though are the wonderful trails.

We hiked along the Tall Pines trail for about 1.5 miles and then circled back on the 4 C's trail for a total of about 3 miles. Xavier walked the whole way. He enjoyed looking at the huge pine trees, looking for acorns, and seeing beetles and bugs that I pointed out to him. And of course, he always looks forward to the trail snacks.

We plan to go back this month for a tent-camping overnight trip with the boys. The last time we did this I was about 4 months pregnant with Jack! We've just been waiting for it to get cool enough to enjoy.

Self portrait.

Tall pines indeed!

A treasure on the trail.

Xavier enjoying an orange.

Jack loves the backpack.

Photo Dump!

I can't believe its been a month since my last post. Tim was out of town for a week and then the boys and I have come down with a nasty cold. I've been in survival mode and even using *gasp* disposable diapers for more than just night times. I have had "post to blog" on my to-do list for ages.

Xavier practicing fine motor skills with beans, jars and spoons. If Xavier one day becomes an accountant, this "bean counter" photo will be priceless!



Jack enjoying the bounty of sticks in the back yard. This little guy is becoming positively addicted to his outdoor freetime each day. He plays and explores quietly while I hang laundry, turn the compost, or rake leaves.
Jack proud of his discovery of Xavier's green crayon--yum!
Xavier's pig craft. I whipped this one up on the fly one day when Xavier was obsessed with pigs. It stays on our fridge although Xavier does like to take it down from time to time and have a conversation with Mr. Piggy.

Camping with the Kiddos

Last weekend we took the boys camping at Village Creek State Park. It was our first time camping in nearly a year and Jack's first time ever. The weather was perfect: overcast and breezy. Positively chilly by Texas standards.

After setting up the tent and organizing the gear, we took the boys on a 1.5 mile hike past a slough. As far as I can tell, a slough is a fancy word for a ditch. We saw lots of birds and Xavier even spied a bunny rabbit. For an afternoon snack I gave the boys pudding: vanilla for Jack and chocolate for Xavier. The caffeine in the chocolate must have made a beeline to Xavier's brain as he spent the next hour or so running around the tent.

Unfortunately, Jack is still putting everything in his mouth these days so he spent most of the time in a backpack carrier or the arms of Mom or Dad.

Getting the boys settled down at night was a bit of a challenge. We made the mistake of forgoing a bath time ritual which resulted in neither boy wanting to go to bed. Xavier frantically tore off his pajamas (I stopped him when he was getting ready to rip off his diaper) and insisted on putting his dirty t-shirt and bluejeans back on. He slept in them.

Jack woke up around 4 a.m. and was just about to tackle his sleeping brother when I whisked him out of the tent. After an hour and a half of shushing and rocking, we both went back to sleep. We didn't wake up again until 7:30 a.m.

I was reminded that it was five years ago to the day that Tim and I went on our first camping trip together in the Shenandoah Mountains just outside of Washington, D.C. I remember waking up on the second morning of our trip and thinking to myself, "If this guy asks me to marry him, I think I'd say yes." Sure enough, about three months later, he did and I did. Wow, how time flies.

All in all, the trip was a huge success. Next time we'll just put the boys down a little later after a sponge bath and only bring vanilla pudding.

Toddler Poetry

A Morning Observation*

I see leaves,
Leaves fall down,
I see leaves fall down from the trees.

I hear birds,
Birds in the clouds,
In the white clouds in the sky.

I want more toast.


* As spoken by Xavier (age 2) at the breakfast table by the picture window.

Delight in the Little Things

Who knew a thermal bag could be so fascinating? WARNING: This video is moderately long, somewhat bland and no dramatic climax at the end...only grandmas and baby lovers will find this remotely interesting.

Masters Degree in Homemaking

Yesterday I went grocery shopping with a good friend with the goal of helping share a little bit of my money saving techiniques. It was chaotic to say the least. I just pointed out items in the produce section that were a good bargain, tried to explain PPU comparisons, and grocery timing all while we were maneuvering two huge car/carts with two toddlers and a baby in tow. I mistakenly was trying to do too much too fast. Upon reflection later in the evening, I realized that it has taken me a while to accumulate what I know about shopping frugally.

I didn't have a job for the first six months of my married life. One month was taken up by our fantastic honeymoon in Vermont. One month was consumed by combining our households and moving to Beaumont. The remaining four months are what I refer to as my time earning my self-taught masters degree in homemaking: home finance to be exact.

I used to grocery shop willy nilly. I had no idea what things cost. Price of a bell pepper? No idea. When it would be in season and therefore cheaper. Again, no idea. Were fresh peppers more or less expensive than frozen ones? What?!

But during those easy, kid-free days of my early marriage, I tackled homemaking the way I had tackled other workplace challenges. I started out by reading. A lot. Blogs, library books, websites, coupon clubs, anything I could get my hands on. I made a price book with a spreadsheet program. I made a list of the top 30 items we buy each month and comparison shopped at three grocery stores, the dollar store, and even snuck into the Sam's Club without a membership card. I'm sure I raised a few eyebrows as I just went down the aisle with my notebook, pencil and calculator in hand. As a courtesy I bought a small item at each store (with the exception of Sam's). As my husband reminds me, I even went to the "ghetto" grocery store across town to see prices were cheaper there. For the record, I was horrified to see that they were the same or MORE expensive for the same items. I tried various methods of couponing and quickly realized that brand loyalty was a thing of the past for me. Oh, and I realized that I'll never pay full price for a craft item again thanks to coupons from Hobby Lobby and Joann's. I got familiar with the thrift stores in town and I garage-saled a lot.
Even after starting paid employment up until I had my first child, I still read and read some more about how to save money and run household finances efficiently.  

I am so greatful for that time because once kids came along, doing the hard work of getting up to speed as a homemaker was pushed to the side in favor of reading books, websites, and blogs about raising kids.

Now, I'm no expert on frugal living yet. There are ladies out there in the blogosphere that feed a family of six on $50 a week while using mostly organic foods. I'm not there yet, and perhaps I'll never be. At a certain point I have to accept that there is only so much scrounging around for deals that I'm willing to do. I love the hunt of a good bargain and a penny saved but I'm not ready to make it my sole focus. I do think that to be successful at this, you need to make it a hobby. Amy D., author of the Tightwad Gazette book series says that she only has hobbies that save money or are at least spending neutral--none of those $100 trips to Hobby Lobby for her! I have taken her advice to heart. My hobbies are more likely to be baking, sewing gifts, and vegetable gardening than the golf, shopping, and dining out in my single years.

I know a lot of people are trying to trim budgets these days. In the case of my friend, she's working towards savings for a positive financial goal. Others are thrust into frugality school by necessity such as job loss. If you have the time and interest in running a tighter ship when it comes to your household finances, I'd recommend these three guidelines:

Go slowly at your own pace. What is good for someone else might feel like extreme deprivation for your family. There are many, many ways to practice good financial stewardship as a homemaker. Most of them take time though. If you have a lot of free time, like I did in the early days of my marriage, than you will be able to make changes more quickly. But even I revert back to less frugal ways when things get hectic around here with guests in town or if Tim is away on business. Sometimes you just don't have the time and energy to find the good deals, make a meal plan around it, and cook from scratch each night. Something's gotta give. Which leads me to guideline number two...

Don't measure your sucess by comparing yourself to others. There is no way I could do what I do with our home finances if I worked a full-time or even part-time job. Homemaking is a fulltime endeavor for me so I can do things that others can't do. At the same time, I'm relatively new at this. I'm sure the real frugalistas out there could cut my spending by at least another 30% without us feeling a pinch. It's all relative and you can't enjoy your progress if you are constantly comparing yourself to others. Also, try to refrain from getting too sanctimonious about how much you save/other people "waste" on groceries/clothes/whatever. I fell into this trap at first. If being frugal is going to make you a judgemental prig, it isn't worth it.

Find enjoyment in it. Some folks love the couponing game. I'm not as crazy about it since we try not to eat as many processed foods but for those who do, a lot of money can be saved this way. I've turned scratch cooking into a source of pleasure for me and the boys. At least one day a week be bake and freeze muffins, bread, bagels, cakes, you name it. Gardening is another source of fun although we're nowhere near feeding ourselves primarily from what we grow. I LOVE finding a good closeout deal at the store or blithley walking by a false sale--that's a product labelled as if it is on sale but my price book indicates that you can get it for a much lower price at other times of the year. I LOVE passing on sale information to like-minded frugal folks.

All of this brings me back to my failed grocery store tutorial from yesterday. It was a crash course. Because we were both shopping it was hard not to compare what each of us put in the cart. And because we went at a busy time of the day with somewhat cranky and hyper kids, it wasn't the leisurly fun that grocery shopping can be at other times. I broke my own three rules! Despite all this, my friend still did fantastic and managed to cut her spending by about 15-20% on that one trip. Which I suppose should be guideline number four: just do it!

Nature Study

If you're wondering why there are fewer photos of Jack than Xavier these days, you have to understand that my baby is an omnivore. He is particuarly partial to paper these days. By the time I realize he's pulled down a magazine he's eaten all but a quarter-sized portion of a subscription card. So often when I'm getting the camera, he's getting into mischief and doesn't end up photographed. Here's a little photo essay of nature study at MaMere and MoMo's house that illustrates the situation beautifully.

Hats N' Things*

The boys and I heading out for our morning walk. MaMere would be proud that Xavier insists on all of us wearing hats. Of course, we are hardly out of the driveway before Jack pitches his out the stroller or takes it off to munch on. Xavier keeps his on until we get to the little park and says, "Ma, hold dis."
Xavier, where is your belly button?

Xavier, where are your eyes?
Xavier, where is your tongue?
Xavier, what are you doing now?

I sitting in the sunbeam...I see pic?!

*Just thought you might be getting tired of the Photo Dump title.